I ate a tuna fish sandwich and 16 tortilla chip crumbs (what was left at the bottom of the bag) for lunch today. Then I washed it all down with what was left of my cold coffee from this morning. I abhor tuna fish sandwiches and cold coffee, but guess what? That was lit-er-ally all that was left in the kitchen. I mean I couldn't possibly stomach the banana on the counter which was so brown that it was a week past 'good enough for banana bread' and had like, 6 fruit flies on it. 'Cause that's just gross. Really? Are we this poor? Has the economy left us stunted with nothing but tuna, mayo and stale chip crumbs? Oh, and that nasty piece of fruit which is now in the trash? Earlier today I was on a construction site where the client just ordered a Viking/Subzero appliance package! Yet I am eating lumps of canned fish? Where I implore, did I go wrong? Oh yea. I decided to become a designer and then I went ahead and fell in love with a contractor. FRICK! All was well when we were both working for other people and getting steady paychecks, but THEN, with impeccable timing, juuuust before the economy decided to take a royal dump, we simultaneously had the brilliant idea to "go out on our own and live the American Dream!" Just Fabulous... I never thought we were complete idiots but lately, I find myself questioning our sanity. I mean, we both got university degrees and all right? uhhhh, right...??? BARCH. (check) and BS in Construction. (check) That was us wasn't it?
As the husband and I struggle monthly to make our mortgage payments and keep food in the house; a house mind you, that is being eaten from the inside out by termites, I have the immense pleasure of knowing that at least I get to do for a living, what I love. It may not be "cutting it"in terms of getting me ahead monetarily, but I get to design! Pretty much same goes for the husband. Despite it all, he idiotically loves what he does. Adult babysitting he calls it. For him I guess it's because he's really good at it. (Big, boss-man, number crunching guy that seems to yell to get things done right - a lot) For me, yes, I complain about our current state of affairs, but I am fortunate enough to still have the rare few clients that seemingly trust me and my design-y opinions. Economy aside, it's a hard profession to be in. This design business... We try to sell a complete, three dimensional space on paper. None of it is tangible until built, but we bill the client on what we think are brilliant ideas at the time. My time and opinions (I guess) are worth X amount per hour and I most graciously accept payment. I go around collecting fabric swatches, mini pots of paint, tile samples, and countless specifications. Then I kind of haphazardly put it all together (mash it up) because it looks good to me. I use big design-y words to describe my creations like 'cohesiveness' and 'dimensionality.' And then, I pray. I pray hard that the clients sitting across from me think that I know what I'm talking about. HA! But do they know that I am simply presenting what I have been trained to do? Express my love for design as seen through my own eyes, and from my past experiences, not necessarily theirs, and hoping that they want to pay for it and live in it for themselves? I don't know. I have never been on the other side of design. I always had my own personal taste and never really asked for the opinion of another person on matters concerning design-y things.
It's kind of weird when I think about it. My extension of the perfect living room arrangement lives across town in that house for Mr. & Mrs. So-and-so and the master bath that I could die for is perched up in that other house on the hill for Mr. and Mrs. What's-their-face-again. I say that I always have the client's best interest and personal tastes in mind when I design "perfect"spaces for other people but do I really? Am I not just pushing what I think is best? Is it right? I guess it must be if they pay me for my services and are happy in the end...? Though I have to wonder... when my own tastes change every other day it seems, how truly happy are those clients in their designer-created spaces after let's say 5 years? 10 years? What if they think the worst??? I can just hear the conversation now! "What the heck was that crazy designer thinking when she brought this to us for approval?!?!? Furthermore, what were WE thinking paying a crap load for it and then on top of that, paying her know-it-all ass to tell us it was... what was the word she used? Cohesively, dimensional??? What the hee haw does that even mean?!?! What a load of absolute BS! Go find her business card from my Rolodex so I can tell her just how cohesively demented she is!"
I guess the best compliment a designer can get is the exaltation of, "OMG! This is exactly what I imagined but could not put together on my own!" I love that feeling I get when I know my little trick worked. You know, the one where I haphazardly mash things together and sell it with big design-y words. Tee Hee. But seriously, I love thinking about how people feel in space. Humans are amazing that way are they not? We are the only animals that create spaces to live and work in and those spaces make others feel. The emotions that a room can evoke are created from mixing and matching textures and colors and that is what moves our emotions from high to low, sunny to sombre. And we as designers and builders get to partake in the creation of perceived spacial magic.
I guess I will continue to complain about my current disposition until it all gets better. I'm just that way. (Short, slightly cynical, idea mashing gal that seems to complain while trying to get things done right - a lot) But I will always continue to recognize and appreciate how fortunate I am to be able to put in practice, what I love. I love to design and I love to watch the husband build. We make quite a pair, us two. Tomorrow's lunch might be crusty left overs from tonight's dinner of God knows what, but at least we can get up each morning and say we love what we do. We create and build for others, spaces and places that are lived and worked in and most importantly, felt in and that's a pretty sweet mark we get to leave on this earth.
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